Holy Candy Launches Line of Inspiring Celebrity Holiday eCards
November 30, 2012 | eCards
Kanye West kicks off the collection with his usual festive flair…
Tags: eCards, Kanye West
Booty and the Beast: A Storybook Romance with Kim and Kanye
November 19, 2012 | Satire
BOOTY AND THE BEAST: A heartwarming storybook romance starring Kim Kardashian as Booty, Kanye West as The (Ego) Beast, Bruce Jenner as Taut Teacup, Kris Jenner as Leaky Teapot, Khloe Kardashian as The Khlock, and Kris Humphries as The Old Flame (published by Holy Candy and Gallery of the Absurd Publications).
The fantastical book cover, as imagined by Gallery of the Absurd
The intro to the book:
Tags: Kanye West, kim kardashian
Ubiquitous Tabloid “Insider” — Revealed!
November 19, 2012 | Entertainment,Media,Satire
Kessler admires his handiwork
Frank Kessler never imagined that a little graduate school journalism project at Indiana’s Ball State University would lead to a glamorous job fabricating quotes for tabloids — but that is exactly what happened.
Popular celebrity magazines such as Star and Us Weekly depend on “insider” quotes to make the celebrity scandal du jour sound even more juicy. Kessler, as it turns out, is behind most of the gossip juice, landing his gig after a professor recognized his flair for the melodramatic and completely fake observations.
“I turned in an article about a campus prostitution ring, but Professor Mackey figured out I made up pretty much everything in the story. Especially when police busted the ring, only to find out it was a Pi Phi scrapbooking group,” recalled Kessler.
“Mackey failed me, but he saw I had a real talent for fooling readers with well-crafted nonsense. That’s when he introduced me to a friend at Page Six, who needed some good quotes from a ‘bar witness’ about Vince Vaughn getting sloppy drunk. Before you know it, my career as an ‘insider’ really took off,” Kessler said, his pride evident.
Kessler quit graduate school soon thereafter to make up observations for a number of gossip rags, and was quickly promoted to more prestigious fabricated relationships, including “friend of Brad Pitt” and “Gossip Girl on-set snitch.”
Kessler reflects: “I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I really am an old friend that Katie dumped when she married Tom Cruise. And, I gotta say, it still hurts.”
Tags: tabloids
Celebrity News in Photos
November 17, 2012 | Celebrities,Satire
Lindsay Lohan learns there really is no Nigerian prince in need of her assistance.
Tags: Celebrity News in Photos, lindsay lohan
Op-Ed — Courtney Love — Counting My Blessings on Thanksgiving
November 17, 2012 | Celebrities,Opinion,Satire
tHankksgiving meaNNs alot 2me cuz i am a fukking pilgrim mYself. i estaBlishedd a new COlony in music calllLed grunge and overCame hardsh ips like drugz, alcohool and Gwen stephani.
on thisholiday,i amthankful 4 madonna lookIngg like fuKcing gollum on sterOIds that makesme laUGh so hard. i also gIvve thanks for marcjacobs which is why i wrotTe 60blogs aBBout the sexxy motherfuKcer.
im also thankfull 4 my tYYping lesoSns thisyear. and 4being sober. shut uPP! its true, i Do not ingest narcotics of any sort of drink alcohol,is WRONG.
of course im not alwYas thankful, i sometimes get pissed about the ridiculous nonsense ANNd share a teesny bit of it, yep a teensy bit, but basically im off blogging because i get upset when people use images like “CR__K P__E+” and “drunk” as these are simply not things which are true about me and i canNott ynderstand y anyonEE would SAY THAT SHIIT bOUt. me.
i thinkl that sums upthe spirit of thANksgving. and my guitar fuKKups are too boner to even mention.
luv
corK
Tags: courtney love, op-ed
‘Cosmopolitan’ Introduces Most Erotic Sex Position Ever: The Please-Him Pretzel Twist
November 16, 2012 | Other,Sex
Photo Illustration by Gallery of the Absurd
Carnal challenge: 
EROTIC INSTRUCTIONS:
Lie on the floor, a bed or a litter-free street corner. Position your man so he can get a clear view of you making a fool of yourself. Take a hit of something strong, such as a cannabis product, to help relax your limbs to the point that Gumby would seem stiff in comparison. Place right leg over left shoulder, left leg over right shoulder, right arm over left leg and left arm over right leg. Unclench your buttocks, then juggle four plates on your head while singing Sade’s “No Ordinary Love” in a sexy, yet not too slutty, manner.
Tags: cosmopolitan, Sex
