Celebrities Turning to Unexpected Sources for Baby Name Inspiration
December 3, 2008 | Celebrities,Other,Satire
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Historically, celebrities have satisfied their urgent need for attention and desire to appear deep by naming their children after the most random inspirations, such as fruit, numbers, origin of conception and, of course, complete nonsense.
Having exhausted every ridiculous name from Bronx to Apple to Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily to Pilot Inspektor, however, celebrities are being forced to turn to unexpected sources to stand out in Hollywood’s crowd of truly stupid baby names: dictators, serial killers and other despicable public figures.
“We thought about Adolf Hitler and Charles Manson O’Connell,” said Rebecca Romijn of the twins she is expecting with husband Jerry O’Connell. “You know, just to have unique names and maybe get a little extra coverage in Us Weekly? But then we found out we’re having girls. It was a real bummer.”
Meanwhile, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck say they will never again make the same mistake as they did with their first daughter, Violet, in burdening her with such a pretty, normal name.
“There’s no way she’ll fit in with the Shilohs and Suris of the world now,” laments Garner, who is expecting her second child next month. “Ben was right — we should have called her Sage Monkey. At least we have another chance to do it right. Ted Bundy is high on our list for a boy. And for a girl…? Maybe Cruella de Vil. Cruel for short.”
Los Angeles-area medical schools are already adjusting their curriculums to offer a stronger focus on child psychiatry; mental health experts anticipate a flood of celebrity offspring suffering even more debilitating mental breakdowns than usual as a result of this trend.
Tags: Celebrity Baby Names