Walk This Way: An Exclusive Interview with Paris Hilton’s Feet
December 8, 2008 | Celebrities,Other,Satire
CANDY: Thanks for meeting with me. I know you have a busy schedule.
PARIS HILTON’S FEET: Oh, the pleasure is all ours. Say, would you happen to have a spot of tea?
CANDY: Um, sure, we could order some for you. Sugar?
PHF: That would be brilliant. We are simply parched after the long day we’ve had!
CANDY: Speaking of long –
PHF: Don’t tell us you’re asking about our size? We’ve answered that bloody question too many times, as it is. Next question, please!
CANDY: Actually, I was going to ask about Paris’ relationship with Benji. They lasted longer than most of her hook-ups, did they not?
PHF: Oh. Yes, um… we’re sorry. We tend to get a tad defensive about our size, given all the bloody awful things people say about us.
CANDY: Are you –
PHF: A size 11? Yes! We thought you weren’t going to ask us about that!
CANDY: I was going to ask if you’re sore from all the parties Paris seems to go to.
PHF: Oh. *AHEM* Actually, no. It’s not like we have a lot of weight to carry. Her head is rather on the light side, if you know what we mean!
CANDY: I believe I do.
PHF: All fur coat and no knickers, that one!
CANDY: You know, you’re not at all what I expected. Does Paris know you’re British?
PHF: British? [TAKES SIP OF TEA] What gave you that bloody idea?
CANDY: Hmmmm, let me guess: Been watching Madonna in Britney’s new documentary?
PHF: Indeed, we have! How did you know?
CANDY: Just a hunch. Anything else you’d like to add about your relationship with the heiress?
PHF: Although we rib each other from time to time, we’re really tight and enjoy our time together. Which is good because we’re not going anywhere, you know? It’s especially fun when she dresses us in red shoes and takes us out…
CANDY: Good to hear you guys still clown around.