Archive for the ‘Opinion’ Category
Op-Ed — Miley Cyrus — Parents Just Don’t Understand
December 10, 2008 | Celebrities, Opinion, Satire
Like, omigod! Is it just me, or are parents the WORST?
Like, just for example: I asked my parents for a bigger allowance from my $18-million salary and they told me I couldn’t have more than $10,000 a week. $10,000. Are they kidding me? That will barely cover my accessory needs. Louis Vuitton bags don’t just grow on trees, people.
Are all parents this awful? MY LIFE SUCKS!
Tags: miley cyrus, op-ed
Soapbox: The Airbrushing of Jessica Alba
December 8, 2008 | Celebrities, Opinion, Satire
Original photos from a Jessica Alba photo shoot were recently leaked, revealing she was airbrushed to make her healthy frame look size-zero skinny for a Campari calendar, which caused quite a stir. What are your thoughts?
Tags: Jessica Alba, soapbox
Op-Ed — Courtney Love — Counting My Blessings on Thanksgiving
November 26, 2008 | Celebrities, Opinion, Satire
tHankksgiving meaNNs alot 2me cuz i am a fukking pilgrim mYself. i estaBlishedd a new COlony in music calllLed grunge and overCame hardsh ips like drugz, alcohool and Gwen stephani.
Tags: courtney love, op-ed
He Said, She Said
November 19, 2008 | Celebrities, Opinion, Satire
Welcome to the 11th edition of He Said, She Said, a column in which Holy Candy’s resident life coaches field readers’ most pressing e-mails with their trademark sensitivity.
DEAR DIDDY AND PARIS:
I have been divorced from my ex-husband for YEARS, but the tabloids won’t stop talking about the animosity between me, the cheating bastard and his home-wrecking, child-addicted baby mama.
How can I show them I’ve clearly moved on?
J-Aniston@yahoo.com
TO J-ANISTON:
DIDDY: Sounds like you could use some Diddy love. Baby-makin’ is my specialty. Diddy’ll knock you up real fast! And leave you even faster.
PARIS: Your ex-husband sounds hot. Can you give him my number?
________________________________________________________________
DEAR DIDDY AND PARIS:
I’m trying to launch a career comeback after years out of the limelight and a messy divorce, but I’m not sure how to make a big splash. Any advice?
ShaniaFeelsLikeaWoman@aol.com
TO SHANIAFEELSLIKEAWOMAN:
DIDDY: Hard to say, cuz I’m more of a subtle man myself. I’d probably just start by renaming Times Square “Diddy Square” and declaring Christmas to be “Diddy Day” — and build to something more splashy.
PARIS: Trust me, a reality show is the way to go. What about something like, “Looking for a BFF Who Can Fart Really Loud”? Too classy?
________________________________________________________________
DEAR DIDDY AND PARIS:
After being named People’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” women won’t leave me alone! They follow me into restrooms. Grab my ass when I walk by. They even send me naked pictures of themselves! How can I stop this before my wife gets angry with me?
How can I show them I’ve clearly moved on?
Hugh_Jackman@au.yahoo.com
TO HUGH_JACKMAN:
DIDDY: That ain’t your problem. Being married is your problem.
PARIS: I thought you would LIKE that picture I sent. I look totally hot.
Tags: diddy, he said she said, paris hilton
Op-Ed — Eric Dane — McSteamy’s Sex Life Can Erect Better Ratings for Television
November 16, 2008 | Opinion, Other
In TV’s worst year in recent memory, a startling number of Americans have drifted away from television: More than 2.5 million fewer people were watching ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox than at the same time last year.
I blame this on the State of Dr. Mark Sloan’s Sex Life.
Tags: eric dane, grey's anatomy, op-ed
Soapbox: Toby Keith Shaves His Armpits
November 6, 2008 | Celebrities, Opinion, Satire
Tough country singer Toby Keith -– best known for his post 9/11 hit “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” –- has recently admitted that he shaves his armpits. What are your thoughts?
Tags: soapbox, toby keith
