Archive for the ‘Other’ Category
TMZ Guilty of Stockpiling Puns, Says New York Post
January 3, 2010 | Media, Other
Tabloid veteran New York Post is accusing relative newcomer TMZ of having a detrimental effect on their headlines by hoarding all of the cheesiest puns.
As TMZ holds onto goodies such as “Justify My Glove: Madonna and A-Rod Continue Steamy Affair” and “Gisele’s Not-So-Model Behavior at Photo Shoot” in case of a rainy day, Page Six is forced to recycle passé “retail therapy” and “sexyback” puns.
“It’s not fair,” whines Page Six editor Richard Johnson. “Everyone knows that rhyming ‘Suri’ with ‘What worry?’ was our idea. But not only is TMZ stealing our rhyming puns, but they’re tapping into our nursery rhyme references, too.”
Sounds like an arbitration job for Little Punny Foo Foo.
Tags: clever media
Celebrity TUI: Drunk Texting with the Stars
September 15, 2009 | Celebrities, Other, Satire
As the most revered entertainment publication in the world, we at Holy Candy have gotten our hands on yet another insightful celebrity drunk text message. Here is the third of many in our exclusive Celebrity TUI (Texting Under the Influence) Series:
Tags: Brad Pitt, jennifer aniston, texting under the influence, tui
Wigging Out: An Exclusive Interview with Nicolas Cage’s Hair
September 15, 2009 | Celebrities, Other, Satire
CANDY: Thanks for joining me. I’ve been playing phone tag with your publicist for weeks –
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: Is there somethin’ wrong?
CANDY: No! No, of course not. Why do you –
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: Then why won’t ya look at me?
CANDY: What a silly question! I’m just, um, studying my notes. INTENSELY. Yeah, that’s the ticket! So, anyway… tell me about your relationship with Nicolas.
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: We’ve been through it all, Nic and me. From wild times to sleepless nights with the baby, ya know? I don’t mean to get all sappy on ya, but I like to think I’m extension of him.
CANDY: [BITES LIP] Indeed. Nic’s latest film, Bangkok Dangerous, is getting seriously panned by the critics. Can’t be easy for him. Does Nic confide in you about stuff like that?
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: Nah. We’re dudes, ya know? If we’re havin’ a bad day, we just pop open a coupla brews and dance around naked to some Elvis tunes, just like any other guys.
CANDY: Fun.
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: Yeah, I never gotta worry ’bout Nic. He’s like me — he’s got his ups and downs, and might head in the wrong direction sometimes, but he always ends up on top.
CANDY: Do you have any other friends in Hollywood? Like, do you ever hang out with, say, John Travolta’s Hair or Larry King’s?
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: Ya gotta be kiddin’ me. What would I possibly have in common with them?
CANDY: It was just a thought. So you and Nic — as tight as ever?
NIC CAGE’S HAIR: Yeah, life’s good. I mean, can I do all the things I once could? ‘Course not. We all change over time, ya know? But I think in many ways I’m living a fuller life than I ever was. Much, much fuller. Almost absurdly full. And I think Nic feels the same way.
CANDY: Yup, all you can do is keeping plugging away.
Tags: exclusive interview
Amy Winehouse to Create Makeup Line
December 15, 2008 | Fashion, Other
On the heels of a report that Amy Winehouse is creating her own beauty line, we have gotten our hands — well, crane — on the new makeup collection for a product review.
THE BEAUTY BUZZ
photo illustration by Gallery of the Absurd
written by Candy Kirby
hot find: vats of makeup
Transitioning from woman to clown just got easier for those wanting to cover their track marks with Amy Winehouse’s Beauty Addict line. The eyeliner is small enough to fit in a warehouse, yet still big enough to make even the most natural beauty look like a less subtle version of Divine. Crank open the spigot and the eyeliner comes pouring out. Head-to-toe rain gear is recommended for those who don’t want the liquid to splatter on their red push-up bra or perfectly blood-soaked ballet slippers.
“The ten layers of eyeliner make you look like a cracked-out cat within seconds — all with the added convenience of distracting from under-eye circles from yesterday’s all-night bender,” says beauty correspondent Candy who tested the makeup after, well, an all-night bender.
Best of all, you can throw away that hairbrush and soap: Winehouse attests to the fact that her makeup and industrial strength hairspray lasts up to two sleepless, coke-fueled months.
Tags: Amy Winehouse, Beauty
Barbra Streisand Reunited with First Name’s Long-Lost “A”
December 15, 2008 | Celebrities, Other, Satire
MALIBU, Calif. — Entertainment legend Barb(a)ra Streisand had a tearful reunion Friday with the letter “a” tragically missing from her first name since birth.
“There are a lot of emotions you go through,” Streisand said as she wrote the long-lost “a” on a credit card bill for the first time.
Tags: Barbra Streisand, Tear-Jerker
Walk This Way: An Exclusive Interview with Paris Hilton’s Feet
December 8, 2008 | Celebrities, Other, Satire
CANDY: Thanks for meeting with me. I know you have a busy schedule.
PARIS HILTON’S FEET: Oh, the pleasure is all ours. Say, would you happen to have a spot of tea?
CANDY: Um, sure, we could order some for you. Sugar?
PHF: That would be brilliant. We are simply parched after the long day we’ve had!
Tags: exclusive interview, paris hilton
