Archive for Posts Tagged ‘ew’
Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood Misplace Their Tongues in Each Other’s Mouths
January 27, 2009 | Pop Culture
Evan Rachel Wood, 21, and 56-year-old on-screen dad Mickey Rourke enjoyed some fun father-daughter bonding time by playing a game of tonsil hockey together at a SAG after-party.
Just goes to show, no woman can resist a shiny suit.
Rumors ’bout these two have been swirling for a while, but Evan has uniformly denied them… until some gossip “spies” (they’re everywhere!) saw her Frenching Mickey on Sunday night.
According to Fox News, the two were spotted heading to an after-party at the Four Seasons Hotel together. The actress — who, as you surely remember, has also dated Marilyn Manson and clearly has no fucked up daddy issues — reportedly went upstairs with Mickey, when he grabbed her for a lip-lock in the outside area of the swanky hotel.
Evan, for the record, was not even born yet when Nine 1/2 Weeks was released.
I think we can all agree this relationship is made to last. But poor, poor Bai Ling… we can only hope this betrayal leads to a poignant blog entry about her “naked tears of fire fall from nipple pieces.”
Tags: Canoodle Alert, Evan Rachel Wood, ew, Mickey Rourke
Kendra Wilkinson Shares Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Sex with Hef
January 14, 2009 | Pop Culture
Hef never looked better!
I have a well-documented morbid fascination with the Playboy Mansion lifestyle — yes, Girls Next Door is on my DVR list even though this season has been a ZZZZZZZZZ-fest — so, naturally, I immediately devoured Kendra Wilkinson’s unusually revealing interview with Us Weekly about her relationship (or lack thereof) with Hef.
Yes, she dishes on their sex life. So disgusting! So sick! I must read it!
Kendra, 23, says she and 82-year-old Hef were “intimate,” but shockingly, stroking his prune nuts wasn’t enough to entirely satisfy her.
“I had to have sex every now and then, so I had to kind of sneak it. Besides the nights we went out, I only saw Hef, like, once a day walking through the halls to his office. There were never solo dates.”
Seems Kendra was the only one who got some action on the side. She exclaims, “Bridget told me that she’s been faithful all these years, and I was like, ‘How the hell can you do that?’ I had to have [sex] so I could feel my age, like a healthy human being.”
Holly was apparently faithful to her “Puffin” (gag), too.
Kendra says her time with Hef was very limited: “The most we kind of say to each other is, ‘I love you,’ ‘Love you too,’ ‘I hope you have a good day,’ ‘Did you have a good day?’”
Why it didn’t last, we’ll never know.
Kendra also complained about Hef’s notoriously controlling ways, whining he was “way more strict than my life has ever been” and it drove her “insane” that staff members would keep track of the girlfriends whenever they left the Mansion. In fact, staff would note the times they left and returned to the mansion in a book, and Hef would review it each morning. Even more suffocating, they weren’t allowed to spend the holidays away from the Mansion. And for all of that…? They received an allowance of $1,000 a week.
Somewhere, Spitzer’s hooker is scoffing, “Bargain basement amateurs.”
Kendra added, “I hate putting my hand out, but we couldn’t have jobs other than getting appearance fees. Hef was kind of like my best friend, but a sugar daddy at the same time … Hef made me feel beautiful. Now I’m totally against [Hefner's] way of life, with three girlfriends and all of that.”
Kendra for Feminist Majority Foundation President in ‘09!
Tags: ew, Girls Next Door, Kendra Wilkinson
Parenthood is a Beautiful Thing
December 15, 2008 | Pop Culture
Especially when you’re sucking the snot from your kid’s nose. Mmmm… dessert!
Ew
November 5, 2008 | Pop Culture
Oh, dear. Has she been having prune cravings?
Tags: Ashlee Simpson, ew
Spice Up Your Look with Brain Piercing!
October 1, 2008 | Daily News Roundup
We’ve all been there: Looking in the mirror and thinking, “Boy, my brain is looking a bit lackluster today. If only there were a way to give it some ooomph.” And, while CoverGirl has yet to produce that long-awaited brain liner, piercing artists have finally stepped up to help beautify our minds with — yes, you guessed it — brain piercing…adsifuasfososohfhfhffh….
*CANDY FINALLY COMES TO*
Whew! Sorry about that, guys. Think that was my ugly brain’s way of telling me we’d better just wait for that brain liner.
The procedure is just as lovely as you’d expect: After cutting your hair and putting you under anesthesia — notice I said “you,” not “ME” – the piercer drills small holes in your skull, then passes a metal (gold or silver, whichever complements your brain shade better!) ring through them with a bent needle. And not only will you finally be able to match your brain ring with your belt buckle, but the ring will also press the sensitive brain tissue and invoke a constant state of euphoria. All for the low price of $1000.
You know, the right cup of frozen yogurt can make me downright euphoric. For $2.50. AND… there’s little chance I’ll end up walking in circles for the rest of my life. So I think I’ll just stick with my serving of chocolate fudge brownie, thanks. Even if it does clash with my brain matter. A fashion faux pas, I know!
It’s the Stink Bomber!
September 24, 2008 | Pop Culture
Breaking news: West Virginian Jose Cruz has been booked for unleashing an offensive gas attack on a police officer. Yes, as in flatulence.
Police stopped the Stink Bomber in South Charleston for driving with his headlights off. Shockingly, alcohol may have been involved because he failed sobriety tests — and was subsequently arrested.
As officers were trying to get fingerprints, police say the Stink Bomber moved closer to the officer and — you guessed it — pulled a Pepé Le Pew and passed gas on him. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was “very strong.” Also known in technical terms as a “beer fart.”
The Stink Bomber is now charged with DUI and battery of a police officer. However, CandyKirby.com’s legal experts expect the defendant to use the rock-solid “But he pulled my finger…!” defense.
Tags: Busted, ew, Real-Life Hilarity
